Rule 9. Wordiness.

Like the passive voice, wordiness is not grammatically incorrect, but it weakens your writing. Do not try to just fill up a page with words. Try to be succinct and direct. Eliminate words and phrases that do not add anything to your writing. Here are some common pitfalls that lead to wordiness.

A. Redundancies. There is no need to say the same thing twice.

I ran the last mile panting and out of breath.
I ran the last mile out of breath.

It is a true fact that I am going to law school.
It is true that I am going to law school.

He had to face his accuser in a court of law.
He faced his accuser in court.

B. Repetition. Avoid using the same word in a sentence more than once.

Our last client, sitting in the waiting room, is a wealthy client.
Our last client, sitting in the waiting room, is wealthy.

The qualifications for your job are all qualifications that I possess.
I possess all the qualifications for your job.

C. Lengthy phrases that can be eliminated or reduced to a word or two.

I feel that the Court should have upheld the affirmative action policy.
The Court should have upheld the affirmative action policy.

 Because of the fact that the guest was only served one drink, the social host is not liable.
The social host is not liable because he only served the guest one drink.

 I will wait for you until such time as I have to leave.
I will wait for you until I have to heave.

D. Passive voice.

As a waitress, I am responsible for serving customers and operating the cash register.
As a waitress, I serve customers and operate the cash register.

E. Avoid starting a sentence with there is or it.

There is another book that describes the fall of the Roman Empire.
Another book describes the fall of the Roman Empire.

It is important for students to complete all their assignments on time.
Students must complete all their assignments on time.

F. Change clauses to phrases and phrases to single words.

We visited the White House, which is the home of the American president.
We visited the White House, home of the American president.

Raphael’s long pants, which were made of wool, were too warm for Disney World.
Raphael’s long wool pants were too warm for Disney World.

Practice

  1. The fundamental problem that the Massachusetts Supreme Court was faced with was that it had to decide whether or not reciting the alphabet was a violation of a driver’s right to not incriminate himself.
  2. In fact, there is one and only one way to handle an encounter with law enforcement officers on the nation’s highways and byways.
  3. This would include submitting to a breathalyzer test that for all intensive purposes provides unequivocal proof in establishing guilt or innocence of the crime of driving under the influence of alcohol.
  4. Roadside stops are an area in which there are many instances of the police being in control and acting intimidating around those individuals who have the misfortune of doing nothing more than being lazy and not getting a burnt out headlight fixed.
  5. In this specific case, the officer appeared to be suspicious of Mr. Vanhouton when he couldn’t find his driver’s license that was in his lap and when he smelled alcohol on his breath.
  6. A police officer has the duty to pull over a vehicle when he has reasonable grounds to believe the driver may be, has been or would be in the throes of driving while underder the influence of alcohol or mind-altering drugs.

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